Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
