What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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