I think my fart just growled at me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
