woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We have started to decorate penises.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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