Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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