flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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