Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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