Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize