just come out here and I will go home with you...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize