Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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