Nicole vs. Life
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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