theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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