Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
