That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
