I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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