my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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