i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
