Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well I can't set my house on fire every night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
