Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
