I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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