I'm gonna have a badass scar
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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