i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
