new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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