WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
