we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize