mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
