so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
