maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
