Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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