my phone needs a breathalizer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
