I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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