he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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