I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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