Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
