Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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