I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
