chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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