Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
