they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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