and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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