Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
