i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
