He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pants are for mortals
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
