Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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