Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
