I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
