i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
