Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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