I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
