We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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