you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
