I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
