That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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