best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
