I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
