i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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