he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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