she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize