i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
