I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
