my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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