She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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