Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
