Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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