I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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