The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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