dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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