I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
