As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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